Suzanne Edison, MA, MFA

Poet • Educator

  • Suzanne Edison, MA, MFA
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September 25, 2019 By Suzanne

Hope & Despair: After Thoughts from Town Hall reading of The Body Lives Its Undoing

After reading poems from “The Body Lives Its Undoing”, and presentations by collaborators at Town Hall on Wednesday, September 18th, I opened up the conversation to the audience. The questions were penetrating and while I did my best in the moment to respond, later that night I had further thoughts that I want to share.

Dramatic and beautiful volcanic eruption
Photo credit to Gronda Morin https://grondamorin.com

How to keep hopeful when struggling with an autoimmune disease

A difficult question was posed by someone living with an autoimmune disease; she asked how to deal with hope, specifically, how to keep up hope when one is in pain and seemingly closer to despair. At the time I answered by recalling my struggles with pain and despair as a parent of a child with an autoimmune disease who, when in the thick of her treatment I had no knowledge of whether she’d get better, I also despaired. I fell off “the Hope wagon” often. And I came to think this was going to be a wild roller coaster ride and the resulting stress might sicken me in some way too. 

[Read more…]

Filed Under: blog, brief thoughts Tagged With: despair, holding grief, hope, Lisa Spiderman, Pema Chodron, The Body Lives Its Undoing

July 29, 2017 By Suzanne

Self-care, or, What to Do so the Well doesn’t Run Dry

the many ways one can relax

After facilitating, and listening to a group of moms at a camp for kids with Juvenile Arthritis, I am thinking about the issues surrounding self-care more deeply.

It’s been over 10 years since my own child was diagnosed with a rare, autoimmune illness and I’ve been teaching and facilitating writing and support groups for many years that deal with the full complement of issues that bubble up on this life journey. But today made me remember some basics about self-care and its importance in parenting a child with any health issue.

#1 Every parent wants to be there for their child but how do you care for someone if you are a wet noodle on the floor, exhausted mentally and physically?

Corresponding concerns around this dilemma involve these questions:

Are my mom/parent needs important?  Do I deserve to take care of myself?  Even if I think the answer to these questions is yes, there’s simply no time left for me.

#2 Ah ha! the Time issue–or how to carve out space and time for yourself

Some suggestions from the moms I spoke to include: Leave a white space on your calendar.  Or, actually put something ON the calendar that is for you. Make sure you have a weekly or monthly STANDING event, like a phone call with a friend or family member, or a regular date for tea, wine or a walk.

#3 I asked them to think about what they do that is both a relief AND a pleasure. Maybe they do only something that is a relief, but I know that something that also brings pleasure is enlivening. Some other suggestions included:

a hot bath, reading a novel, getting your hair or nails “done”, taking a class in (meditation, yoga, exercise), taking a walk with your child (there’s an idea!), date night with someone.

#4 Which brings me back to the issue of, are my needs important? Again, if you can say yes to this, how do you let others (your kids, your partner/spouse/friends) know what you need?

One woman said that now that her kids are older (10 & 15) she says to them, “I have needs too, and I’m going to go to my room for awhile and be alone.”  Another woman said she says to her friends, “I need some time with you.” I also suggested that we start saying to friends and family members that “I don’t want you to fix me or my problems, I just need you to listen.”  This can be hard or a relief for some friends; it’s certainly worth trying out.

A single parent said that going to therapy was exactly what she needed and someone else made a plea for understanding mental health needs and issues. The more we talk about them and bring them out of the dark closet of shame, the better off we all are.

#5 There might be other reasons or barriers that we set up for ourselves so we don’t make time for self-care. Try to figure out what those might be and see if you can find 1 thing that you can let go of to make room. Then, do 1 thing for yourself and see what happens. Did you feel anxious not doing the thing you usually do? Did you feel good doing the new thing? Did you feel guilty?  Just notice them. Then try it again. And again.

Or find a different thing that is still self-caring but maybe doesn’t bring as much anxiety. Work up to something once a week. Then once a day, even if it’s lying on the couch with a book over your face and a cup of tea nearby. Seriously, pretty soon, your kids will learn that this is your time. And they will also learn that it’s ok to take a little time for oneself.

They will see, and feel you return to them with a bit more energy, more focus, less stress. Even for a minute or two. Win, win.

Filed Under: blog, brief thoughts Tagged With: parenting children with health issues, self-care

June 7, 2016 By Suzanne

Wait

A friend, who attended the memorial service for the boy who took his life last week, gave me this poem by Galway Kinnell. I wish that something or someone could have intervened in his young life, asked him to wait, to tell him, “it does get better.” Sometimes you don’t know or realize the depth of despair or pain that someone is harboring; they may seem engaged, active and outwardly joyful. And no matter how attuned we may be as parents, we can never fully know another’s inner realities. This is the agony and dark side of individuality, love isn’t always enough to shelter those we care most about.

You can also hear Galway reading his poem here.

Wait
Wait, for now.
Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven’t they
carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands. And the desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.

Wait.
Don’t go too early.
You’re tired. But everyone’s tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

Galway Kinnell

Filed Under: brief thoughts, poetry

March 19, 2014 By Suzanne

What to do when you are steamed

IMG_0921

What to do when your kid(s) is driving you crazy and you are doing your best to be the “good enough” mom and take care of her needs?

This picture is worth more words than I can possibly string together. And the best part? Looking at it reminded me that it was taken by my kid, and that there are better moments. It’s good to remember, we all need a break..

Filed Under: brief thoughts Tagged With: frustrated, steamed, take a break

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March 15, 2023

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October 1, 2022

Town Hall-2019 The Body Lives Its Undoing

August 6, 2022

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